Student Government – Democracy through Populist Rallies, Unobtrusive Government, and Fantastic Diversions!
I. A Brief History of Student Government
In the beginning, there was only the principal. For nigh on 6,000 years it was so: a monopoly of educational governance by an administration. Then, the principle chose students in His own form – those that would later go on and continue in His way and His words. Finding that this really didn't work all that well, the principle decided to relegate the whole thing to the Activities Director and have them plan parties – henceforth to be called pep rallies.
II. Student Government – How can we govern? Why do we govern? Where shall we have the parties?
Student government at Albuquerque High School is one of the most important organizations that meet within our hallowed, windowless halls. Our student government is so marvelously effective that they have managed to render themselves completely ineffective. Although this may seem like a redundancy, do not underestimate the power and cunning of the student government. They have cleverly put on the guise of inefficiency to mask their true agenda from the administration, which would surely disband them if they revealed their secret campaign for student rights and zombie preparedness.
Pep rallies, however, are completely a mystery. Why our crusading student government would possibly want to bother itself with planning these giant optical orgies is beyond the mental capacity of your humble Foliage editors. Of course, it is entirely plausible that pep rallies aid the Student Government in their decision process some way (we at Foliage are hard at work researching this possibility). Perhaps the massive amounts of brainwave activity are captured on a gymnasium-size Electroencephalograph machine and are used to measure student concerns and for secret brainwave ballots (the United States government has recently reported that according to subconscious EEG surveys, the majority of Americans support getting extra holes in their heads, despite their conscious misconceptions).
The Student Government at Albuquerque High (doubtless under pressure or being mind-controlled by forces unknown) has voted against having two lunches. Against, I tell you! If we didn't have two lunches, what would we do while ditching fourth period? Study?! Obviously, the leaders of our student government realized this was a grave infringement on our unalienable rights and attempted to derail the proposal to vote on the number of lunches by instead planning a huge pep rally! Unfortunately, it seems that their heroic attempts were in vain.
We at Foliage believe that our Student Government is an heroic and crusading organization whose only aim is to promote the welfare of students at Albuquerque High School. If you ever harbor any doubt as to the effectiveness or efficiency of our student government, just remember how much more awesome a dance is than having rights.
[Legal note: the editors of Foliage cannot and should not be held accountable for anything they say due to the adverse effects of the giant EEG machine in the gym.]
[Further Legal Note: The AHS in the name of AHS Foliage doesn’t refer to an affiliation with the school, much as the Albuquerque in the name of the Albuquerque Journal doesn’t refer to being sponsored by the city. It’s a locational thing, not an organizaitonal sponsorship]
[Yet one more Legal Note: these legal notes have little relevancy, and have been breeding unchecked behind our backs]
[Legal Note Four: Seriously, these notes are getting out of hand!]
[Legal Note the Fifth: Oh god they’ve got my leg. Someone help me! There’s too many of them, I can’t last much longer]
[Legal Note Number 6: BURRPP!]
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